Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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