she was so not down for the gang bang
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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