I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
