If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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