The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
