did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
