I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
