Rock
Scissors
Fuck
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
