just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize