made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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