Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
