we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize