Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
