On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
