I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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