Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Randomize
