i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
BRING THE BAGELS
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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