and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
