Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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