Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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