You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
