If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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