Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
