i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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