Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
