Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
