I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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