You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
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