i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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