Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
