My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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