i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
