I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
