I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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