Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just high enough for therapy.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
