So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
