this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
