There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i came on her dog
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
