well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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