"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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