Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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