What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
