Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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