why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I need moral support for this bender
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
