are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
