ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
