You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
