I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
