hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
