I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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