I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
