Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
