Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
