Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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