it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
