dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I love having hate sex.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
