Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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