thus making me awesome and them whores
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
