We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
