My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
