walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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