Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
