Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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