k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize