dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
