she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
