I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Randomize
