____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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