You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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