My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
