So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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