he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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