A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize