how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Actions speak louder than pants.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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