Do you still have your period?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
