i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
