do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
