I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
